Especially when your neighborhood is Jersey City and you have a waterfront view of Manhattan.

LZ

It is usually around 4 o’clock when it happens. I might be walking around the house straightening up or going through the mail. I lean over to pick up a toy or little pieces of stuffing that the dog has shredded and distributed all over the floor when IT hits me. I lift up my head from my domestic activity and there it is…Dinner Amnesia.

When it strikes the problem is not the kind of thing where I have a few ideas about what to make, but I’m not really sure which one to go with. It’s more like this… Dinner? What’s that? Have I ever made dinner before? (I have) What did I make? Did it taste good? Did anyone eat it? What do other people make for dinner?

And I don’t have one single idea. Scanning the dinner file portion of my pea brain is not helpful either. The file is an empty space. It seems that I have forgotten how to make dinner for my family, again.

I walk over to the pantry where I think the dinner foods live, desperate for a visual – an idea which will magically pop out from the shelf and say MAKE ME!

Then I remember that only half of the dinner foods live in the pantry. The other half are hiding in the freezer and must be excavated from under frosty yellow boxes of waffles and crinkly white plastic baggies of frozen fruit. They must be thawed.

I attempt to coordinate the different parts and synthesize them into a cohesive type of nutritionally balanced meal. My dumb brain tells me that I’ve been making all kinds of meals for dinner for 20 years, so this shouldn’t really be that hard for me.

Hmmm….Maybe I should make Breakfast For Dinner. I know how to make every single thing for breakfast and I know where to find them all. Same with lunch. Soup. Sandwiches. Grilled things. Breakfast and lunch never make me anxious or panicky.

Oh! I have an idea. Quick, call Mr. Z at work and see what he says to do.

Ring, Ring……

Me: What should we have for DINNER???

Him: I took a bag of scallops out and they are defrosting. You can put them on a bed of spinach and serve some rice on the side for the kids.

And that is that. I am saved.

I walk into the kitchen and start cooking and it all comes back to me. I decide that I’m going to make the wild rice like a risotto with mushrooms and onions and broth.

I cut off the top of a whole garlic and drizzle olive oil on the top and roast it in the oven. When it’s done I’ll add it to the cooked spinach. I set the table, pour a glass of wine. I get the pan ready to sear the scallops. I dice a cucumber and add some yogurt and oregano and salt and pepper for a salad. After the scallops are done I deglaze the pan with white wine and warm water with a little flour mixed in for a sauce.

Everyone eats the food and they don’t even spit any of it out into a napkin or try to run away from the table. They even tell me that it is good and that “scallops taste just like shrimp, mommy.”

And I have survived another night of dinner. And it is over for another day.

LZ

There is an initial shock that comes right you have your first child when you realize that your sleep will never be the same (even though everyone warned you). What they didn’t tell you was that your vacations will not be the same as you were accustomed to either.

After many vacations with our family, we have picked up a few tricks to have the most fun and relaxing time, so we won’t need a vacation from our vacation.

1- When planning your trip don’t come back too early or stay too long. For us 8-10 days is good. Five days is too short and 12 or more days tends to drag on.

2- Come home to a clean house. Hire the cleaning lady to come while you are away or clean the house before you go.

3 – Pack lolly pops for the EAR POPPING plane ride.

4 - Have a loose itinerary of what you plan to do. If you are too passive about making plans you might be overwhelmed by decisions. If you are too obsessive about the schedule, you’ll wind up ruining everyone’s good time. I make a list and am happy if we do half of it.

5 – Don’t rent a car at the airport. It’s expensive. Try to find a car rental place near your vacation destination. How will you get there? I have no idea. That’s a very good question though.

6 – Don’t plan a busy vacation. Your kids don’t need variety and they don’t like what you like. They don’t mind doing the same thing OVER and OVER again all day long until they sweetly pass out into their beds.

They are perfectly content to sit on the beach all day long or jumping off the side of the pool 400 times in a row. They like lakes, woods and nature. They are weird like that.

If you take them to museums or nice restaurants it will not end well for you. When you try to explain how cool these things are by making your voice go really high, they will ignore you and ask where the nearest ice cream shop is.

If you decide that you are going to be like a French parent and do it anyway, you may find your sour faced 5-year-old sliding out of his chair and under the table, while you are chewing your 35 dollar lobster looking sideways to see if anyone noticed. (This may even be the best case scenario).

7- Go on vacation where you have family OR bring a family member with you. This way you can go out to dinner and do boring grown up stuff without the kiddos.

8 – Theme parks are fun for kids but break your day into two parts. I like to wake up and go to the park early, eat lunch and come back to the room for a rest, shower, coffee, cartoons. This helps to prevent both grown-up and little kid tantrums.

9 - If it rains on your vacation plan to go to the movies. I always remember movies I’ve seen in other places. When I was 16 I saw The Breakfast Club in Sarasota. When I was  35 I saw Little Miss Sunshine in Tennessee.

10 – Try not to let your kids stay up too late. This is for your own sanity. They will be much more likely to pull each other’s hair while kicking the back of your seat just as you realize you missed the exit and you are almost out of gas.

11 – Try to do your laundry while away and unpack all clean clothes. This makes RE-ENTRY a little easier to deal with.

13 – Plan one day home when you get back to RESET. Unpack, go through the mail, pay the pet sitter, buy groceries, order Chinese food, sit on the couch and go to bed early.

I hope that some or at least one of these tips are helpful. If you are others I need to know about, please pass them along in the comments.

Bon Voyage!

LZ

My poor Figaro after his trip to the vet yesterday.

I am starting to wonder if I will ever be able to write on my blog again. I had planned to do something on Monday, which is my day off from my “pay” job, but I had a medical emergency with our dog, and dealt with that all day instead.

I actually want to blog about it, but I can’t find the time. Homework, annual check up appointments for the boys, Figaro’s five medicines twice a day and things like eating and showering get in the way. We also have to use the bathroom and drive around to different places and read and eat again.

I have been drinking too much water and avoiding carbs and weighing myself to see if I lost weight. I did! I lost five pounds since last Wednesday. Yay!

I want to run, but I can’t seem to find the time for that either. I ran around the park last week and lost James (he was on his bike) and I think that ruined for it me because I haven’t gone since. I am temporarily scarred from having lost my son due to the fact that I tried to make myself healthier. Forget it. It’s too much stress.

I have so many ideas in my head and so many things I want to do with the writing. I want to write about pink slime in school lunches and about the cool new apps I’ve found on my phone for staying organized and other stuff.

I guess I could stay up late, but I am not a night person. Plus, I am tired at the end of the day. I still need to get enough sleep so I can have energy for the next day.

I need to buy the kids stuff from the dollar store to bribe them to stay in their own beds and NOT come in our bed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT because we can’t all fit in one bed…with a 60 lb. dog and two cats. I mean, technically, we can, but it’s definitely a sub par experience and Mr. Z doesn’t like it.

I wish I didn’t have a real job. Then, when the kids went off to school, I could write. I could sit down with a cup of coffee and there wouldn’t be any noise and I’d write and write. The writing is so cathartic for me. This is my fantasy of quiet.

Shhhhhhh….what was that noise? The sound of the beeper going off on my coffee machine. A bird tweeting. The dog’s fingernails clicking on the wood floors.

Even now, typing this stupid entry about how I can’t write anything makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Some day I will have more time and I will miss this time and I won’t have any regrets if I choose my young kid’s need for my attention over my need to stimulate my mind. I know this is true. Someday I will have time for that.

LZ

Self-Portrait Tarpon Springs, FL 2012

Why am I writing a blog? Who cares? Why am I wasting my time doing that?  I do like to write though. And Mr. Z has been telling me to get a hobby for years. A blog is a hobby, isn’t it?

The writing is a nice outlet for all the noise that goes on inside of my head. It helps to get it out and onto the page for a few days. Too bad more noise comes and I have to start all over again and the process of the noise and the writing is kind of exhausting.

I took a breather this week from blogging. I thought maybe I would scrap the whole thing and just forget about it. I don’t have time to BLOG! Who do I think I am…blogging like that?! I have a family to take care of, a husband to be married to, I have pets who need feeding and litter that needs scooping. Hello?!…Earth to Lori…

I made this deal with myself. If you can type it out really fast then you can do it (I am a very fast typist). But… But…. if I start making revisions and adding pictures and crap, then forget it, I’m cut off. No more blogging for you mommy.

What is wrong with me anyway? I mean, how much time can I spend banging away on my stupid computer? I could be reading books. I could be walking dogs on death row at the local shelter. I could be cooking nutritious food for my family. I could be exercising and adding years to my life! We should eat more Superfoods!

I exercised three times this week and I did not even tell Facebook about it. I read books to my children and listened to James read books to me. We looked at bedroom furniture and are planning on redecorating their shared bedroom, which is their preference.

Mr. Z and I got our taxes done and spent quality time together. We took him shopping for shoes and clothes with our good friend Suzy. Mr. Z is doing big things that are a big secret. I spent time with my very special friend, Sherry.

I petted my cats extra and took my dog with me for my runs around the park. I read half of my book club book.

I WILL NOT SHOW UP TO BOOK CLUB EVER AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING FINISHED THE BOOK. Well, maybe not ever, but definitely not this month.

I got entirely too irritated about something Rush Limbaugh said. Maybe you’ve heard about it.  I get upset about these types of things and I have a bad temper. It’s genetics. I can’t help it.

There were a lot of tornadoes all over the place killing people and destroying homes and communities and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. I should send money to the Red Cross.

I guess I’ll keep blogging sometimes, but not as much as I was doing before.

I need to find balance. I can’t be some kind of computer junkie. Ugh. Well, I’m going back to my real life now. I have a job and people expecting me at their house at 11:00. I need to eat breakfast first. I should take something out for dinner too. There is a bunch of dog shit in the backyard.

I told you I had ADD.

LZ

The article below at Brain Pickings caught my eye the other day. It was originally published by the New York World in 1895. It is a list of Don’ts for female bicycle riders. Most of the points are ridiculous, some are laughable and some are so obvious, it’s hard to imagine that anyone would bother to write them down.

1895 Rules for Women Bicycle Riders

• Don’t be a fright.
• Don’t faint on the road.
• Don’t wear a man’s cap.
• Don’t wear tight garters.
• Don’t forget your tool bag.
• Don’t attempt a “century.”
• Don’t coast. It is dangerous.
• Don’t boast of your long rides.
• Don’t criticize people’s “legs.”
• Don’t wear loud hued leggings.
• Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”
• Don’t refuse assistance up a hill.
• Don’t wear clothes that don’t fit.
• Don’t neglect a “light’s out” cry.
• Don’t wear jewelry while on a tour.
• Don’t race. Leave that to the scorchers.
• Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
• Don’t imagine everybody is looking at you.
• Don’t go to church in your bicycle costume.
• Don’t wear a garden party hat with bloomers.
• Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars.
• Don’t chew gum. Exercise your jaws in private.
• Don’t wear white kid gloves. Silk is the thing.
• Don’t ask, “What do you think of my bloomers?”
• Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys.
• Don’t go out after dark without a male escort.
• Don’t without a needle, thread and thimble.
• Don’t try to have every article of your attire “match.”
• Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down your back.
• Don’t allow dear little Fido to accompany you.
• Don’t scratch a match on the seat of your bloomers.
• Don’t discuss bloomers with every man you know.
• Don’t appear in public until you have learned to ride well.
• Don’t overdo things. Let cycling be a recreation, not a labor.
• Don’t ignore the laws of the road because you are a woman.
• Don’t try to ride in your brother’s clothes “to see how it feels.”
• Don’t scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run.
• Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because yon ride a wheel.
• Don’t emulate your brother’s attitude if he rides parallel with the ground.
• Don’t undertake a long ride if you are not confident of performing it easily.
• Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty.

Some of my personal favorites are:

1. Don’t be a fright  (What does that even mean?)
2. Don’t coast. It is dangerous. (It is? Okaaaay)
3. Don’t cultivate a bicycle face (This is my favorite one because it makes me laugh and it makes me want to make stupid looking faces.)
4. Don’t imagine everyone is looking at you. (Don’t imagine anything, in fact, just pretend your dead, okay?)
5. Don’t contest the right of way with cable cars (Unless you want to get flattened by one them – duh)
6. Don’t use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys. (Bicycle slang? Really? What’s that?)
7. Don’t let your golden hair be hanging down from your back. (Translation: Don’t be a show-off whore; nobody likes a show-off)
8. Don’t cultivate everything that is up to date because you ride a wheel   (Translation: Watch it, sister. Don’t start thinking you are hot shit, just because we let you “ride a wheel” around town – that must be the bicycle slang they are talking about.)

Can you imagine even wanting to go anywhere near a bike after you’ve read this? You can ride a bike, but not just any old way (like your brother can). YOU have to ride the bike EXACTLY the way we tell you and if you don’t like it, you can just go back home and sit in your house all day and get the vapors.

If it were me, back then, I’d be thinking, “Pffffttt! Whatever. No thanks. You can keep your stinking bike. We’ll see how you like your dinner later when I serve it up cold, sir. Then, when we retire for the evening, I’ll undo my corset, take my bodice and 3 petticoats off and remove the tortoise-shell clip from my gigantic bunned hair and get into bed, at where you’ll have an excellent view of the back of my head, along with the rest of my posterior, sir”.

Lucky for me and for us, we do not have to worry about bike riding rules anymore. 

Unfortunately, we do still have a congress that thinks it’s okay to hold a hearing about contraception without including a single woman. Sigh.

So, onward with our pedaling….we still have some ground to cover.

LZ

Coping Techniques for me include, in order,

#1. Coffee

#2. Chocolate

#3. Tea (hot)

#4. Beer (cold)

#5. Wine

#6. Incase of emergency only – Smoking a cigarette. I know #6 is gross and socially unacceptable, but sometimes I am gross and socially unacceptable.

This post is about vice #2 Chocolate and more specifically,

Brownies:

It’s pretty typical of women to like brownies a lot. If you’ve seen Tina Fey’s video Brownie Husband and you think it’s funny, then you can probably relate.

Lots of people have a place in their home where they keep their liquor, wine and beer and we have a couple of bottles for company or the occasional glass after a bad day.

In my house though, I have an entire cabinet of my kitchen devoted to organic coffees, and all different types of tea and dark chocolate. Drinking wine and beer are fine, but you can’t do it during the daylight hours and sometimes the days on the mommy track can be seriously loooooooong.

Since I am weak of character, I can’t make it through an entire day of adult responsibilities without having a cup of coffee to get me going in the morning, then another cup in the afternoon, and some chocolate at night after I put my kids to bed.

For a couple of months…years? I have eyeballed this brownie mix at the expensive supermarket. The brownie mix cost 10 dollars, so I never bought it, thinking they were for rich people. The other day when I was shopping for our Valentine’s day dinner, I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke down and bought the fucking thing. Fuck it. Life is short. It’s Valentine’s day!

I’m so glad I did! These brownies are ridiculously delicious and are the best brownie mix I have ever tasted (and you have ever tasted). They mix is called Outrageous Brownie Mix by the Barefoot Contessa (Ina Garten):

If you decide you want to buy these, they sell them at King’s supermarket, Whole foods and online at Crate and Barrel and probably Amazon.com.

Just don’t leave the store without buying two eggs:

One stick of unsalted butter:

Walnuts (very important, but only if you like them in your brownies):

And a scoop of vanilla ice cream for the top. I prefer Haagen-Daz:

Just follow the directions exactly as they are printed on the box and you will have the best brownies. You can bring them to a party with some powdered sugar sprinkled on top and everyone will want to know who made them and they will sing your praises.

This is important too…they need to cool off for like two hours or more because they are very rich. If you cut them before they cool, they will fall apart.

They brownies are so good it seems obscene to eat them with other people in the room because you might make funny faces when you are eating them. You might even want to make out with these brownies like Tina Fey did in the video. They are so good. Have I mentioned that?

LZ

This morning on the way to school I was talking to James and Ben in the car. Ben had Show and Tell and he was deciding what to bring, either a small seashell or some deer antlers the boys had found.

Even though Ben had decided to bring the shell, James was trying to convince him that the deer antler would be a more interesting choice:

James:   I mean, what are you going to even say about the shell? “Here’s a shell?” I mean, do you even know what STATE you got it in?”

Ben:   I don’t have to tell YOU what I’m goin’ to say about it James.

James:   Fine, but I think the kids won’t think a SHELL is really that interesting. They’ve all seen a shell before, but I bet they haven’t seen DEER antlers.

Ben:   Well, I just hope that Katie isn’t goin’ to be there today when I show it.

Me:   Why?

Ben:   Because I don’t like her. She isn’t nice to me anymore.

James:   Well, she used to be your girlfriend Ben.

Ben:   No James, she wasn’t my girlfriend, except for at Andrew’s party, but I think she might be on Bruno’s side now.

James:   Well, that’s the way it is with girls. I mean, they can’t make up their minds. Once they decide on something, they just change their minds again.

(James had a similar relationship with a girl and another boy in his class last year where he and the other boy were vying for her attention. It frustrated James that the girl would alternate her attention between the two boys.)

Me:   Well Ben. Sometimes girls act that way when they like you. If they like you, then they might pretend they DON’T like you.

Ben:   Why?

Me:   I don’t know. Maybe they are shy about their feelings. Boys do it sometimes too.

After I dropped them off I was chuckling to myself thinking about their conversation. I thought about when I was in second grade and had my first crush on a boy.

I remember sitting in my bedroom for hours listening to Pat Benatar’s album “Crimes of Passion” and ruminating about a boy named Tommy Jones.

But, Tommy did not like me back. He liked my friend Kerry instead, so songs like “Treat Me Right” and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” helped me to swallow that bitter pill.

I explained to my mother how I was jealous of Kerry. My mother’s said that Kerry wasn’t prettier than me. She went on to explain that she was in fact “lanky” and how I had nothing to be jealous of. (It  didn’t make me feel any better, but I did add the word lanky to my vocabulary).

Then, one day a boy named Wayne passed me a note in class. The crumpled up sheet of paper landed on the top of my desk from out of nowhere. I opened it up and it said I LOVE YOU. I vividly remember my face flush red with rage and embarrassment. I gave him the dirtiest look I could make when I was seven years old.

WAYNE loved me? Ugh! WAYNE! Needless to say I did not love him back. Insult had been added to injury that, not only did Tommy like Kerry, but now Wayne was courting me. Yuk!

Shortly after the note incident Wayne asked me to a “couples skate” at a roller skating party. Because I was curious about what it would feel like to skate with a boy in the dark, I said yes.

I remember holding his sweaty hand while we awkwardly rolled around the dimly lit rink. I pretended we were in the movie Roller Boogie.

On Valentine’s Day, I purposely did not put a card on Wayne’s desk because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Just because we had skated together didn’t mean I liked him back.

Oh, yes….James has it all figured out and he is only 7 years old. He’s right too. Girls can never make up their minds. And sorry to tell you my little man, but it doesn’t get too much better.

LZ